There's something that I've been thinking about a lot lately, particularly today for some reason. This year I was really lucky. I managed to get back to who I am in some way. I had lost a part of that a few years back when I very stupidly and selfishly let go of the best friends I'll ever have in my life. Instead, I became friends with selfish, catty...dare I say it "Staten Island girls"....and it was such a huge mistake. Yet I find myself missing these friends from time to time. There's no good, logical reason for it....as I fully believe that if someone doesn't want you as a friend, you're too good for them anyway. I realized how shallow those relationships were and I hope never to repeat those mistakes. I doubt I will. I think I've learned my lesson finally. Occasionally, I wonder what my former "best friend" Allison is up to...then I remind myself she was no friend of mine. Words are quite empty, quite meaningless if you don't follow through on anything you say or rather if you show your true self by going in the opposite direction. I pity people who can't see the error in their ways. I've made many many mistakes in my life....but I own every one of them....I live with them every day of my life, whether out in the open or in my mind and heart. The friends I have back are the same way. Not one of them would claim their perfection, that they were never wrong. More than that....they're real women....not little girls. Those others are infants (only not cute and cuddly)....they live the same life every day over and over again and they never learn anything new. They never learn, grow, develop, evolve in any real way. This makes me angry sometimes. They have a cycle...tan, drink, bar/club hop, bed hop....repeat. I hate girls like this. I hate girls with no individuality, no sense of self. They disappear in the crowd, because they exactly like the girl standing next to them. They are sad, pathetic beings. What's more sad in a way is that I feel no guilt in writing of them this way. It's all true. I'm writing this so that when I forget that it's true I can come to my trusty journal, reread it, and remind myself why I want nothing to do with people of this nature. If I forget it. I probably never will. So there you have it, I'm going to try to let these people go, because in the grand scheme of things, they don't matter at all.